Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

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Big Magic was given to me by one of my dear friends. When I visited my mother in Germany this year, my friend announced that she'd drive all the way from Switzerland to come and see me and  stay over for the weekend.  A week before she arrived I received an Amazon package from her, sent to my mom’s house with a note saying that she thought I might like this book and that I could keep it if I wanted to.  

I loved that gesture. What a sweet idea. And because I liked the book and I thought the book liked me too, I told her that I’d love to keep it. 

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Anyways. Big Magic is from Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Eat Pray Love, which - now don’t give me the “eyebrows up” thing - I never bothered to read! I’m sure I would have liked the book and instead of watching the movie I should have done just that. I’m not really a fan of reading bestsellers, especially not in their peak time when everyone on the train reads nothing else but that piece.  Plus, as cool as Julia Roberts is (I’d totally melt in front of her if I met her), I have started to resent the thought that I only see JULIA ROBERTS rather than the character she plays when I watch her latest movies. It’s very aggravating when that happens. 

Back to Big Magic. Although I haven’t finished it yet (I’m almost there) I couldn’t wait sharing it with you. I think it’s for people who search for more, and who need a push that helps them express a creative passion they have or think they have. In it Elizabeth Gilbert shares her experiences, struggles, as well as great times she had and has with writing, while using wonderful quotes, lovely anecdotes, and by personifying creativity in a very amusing way. 

I went through different emotions while reading the book: At the beginning I felt in-tune with Elizabeth Gilbert because I thought that we were similar in many ways (e.g. that she was afraid of many things, and how she thought about life in general). 

A while later I started feeling gloomy because I loved her writing style so much and the thought that I could never be like her was like a constant, tiny sting. 

In the part, in which she talks about Persistence I even could make out some feelings of detachment; suddenly Gilbert was this overly annoying confident, “Come on! The world is not a womb” saying woman with a whip in her hand, who always knew that her passion was writing and that she wrote A LOT, ALL THE TIME. In other words, she made me feel uncomfortable, lazy, and like a failure because I started doubting myself. We weren't similar at all. 

But eventually, something deep inside of me, no matter how much I disliked her confident tone, told me that she was right, whether I liked it or not. 

I’m not sure what feelings this book would bring up in you, but it’s surely a very inspiring piece for anyone who wants to know more about a “creative living beyond fear”. 

I can honestly say, that I love her witty humor and her refreshing, pragmatic, playful way of looking at things. 

Enjoy!

Now, Discover your Strengths

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Over the last few months I’ve had my share of doing personality tests and I've been reading quite a few books on how to discover and understand your own strengths. I think that you can definitely overdo it but I came across two materials that I consider valuable readings; one is Sally Hogshead’s How the World Sees You (which I wrote about before) and the other is called Now, Discover your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, which a lot of people might be familiar with. 

Both books’ main statement is that you should do more of what you are good at instead of trying to change yourself. While Sally Hogshead focuses more on how you can sell your strong points better after you understand how others view you (which makes sense because she comes from the marketing background) Now, Discover your Strengths manages to describe your strong points in more detail by focusing on five aspects of your skills and talents, while valuing the combination of aspects as well the weight of each aspect.

 

I like this book because I agree with how insufficiently societies around the world approach the topic “individual skills” in combination with education and occupation.

Buckingham and Clifton explain that most of our lives we are being told what we need to get better at, what we need to improve in. Even our language shows that we have more vocabulary for our deficiencies and what we lack in than for describing on a wider scale what we are good at. When we say, “she has people skills” what exactly does that mean? Is she good at approaching someone, or at holding a conversation, or at understanding the feelings of the other person? She might be able to do all of these points but she might also just be good at only one or two of them.

The test took some time (about 30 minutes) and was not that easy because of the time pressure but overall I believe that this book is worth the time and money, especially because it doesn’t only help you to understand yourself, it can also help you understand and encourage other people to find their strengths, which is especially valuable at work and when you run your own business or manage people. 

Here is a description from amazon.com: 

“Based on a Gallup study of over two million people who have excelled in their careers, NOW, DISCOVER YOUR STRENGTHS uses a revolutionary programme to help readers discover their distinct talents and strengths. The product of a twenty-five year, multi-million pound effort to identify the most prevalent human talents, the StrengthsFinder programme introduces thirty-four talents or “themes” and reveals how they can best be translated into personal and career success. Each copy of the CD contains a unique pin number that gives the reader access to the StrengthsFinder Profile, a Web-based interview that analyses people’s instinctive reactions and immediately presents them with their five most dominant strengths. Once listeners know which of the thirty-four talent themes dominates their personality, they can make practical applications at three levels: as an individual, as a manager and within an organisation. Readers learn what kind of environments will allow them to flourish; how managers can better cultivate their employers’ talents; and how almost all organisations inhibit the talents of their people and need to change.”

Das Kind in dir muss eine Heimat finden

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German psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl wrote Das Kind in dir muss Heimat finden (“The Child in You Must Find a Home”) and the reason why I share it with you is because I truly believe this book can have a positive impact on your life, IF you are ready to self-reflect and do the exercises. 

 

Like most psychologists she talks about how your subconscious has an impact on your behavior. Stefanie Stahl is great at keeping things simpler though by describing your subconscious as your inner child. Her book and therapy focuses on getting in touch with your “sun-“ and “shadow-child”.

This means becoming aware of all the principles you have learned as a child from your parents or close ones - principles like “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t leave you”, “I need to be a good girl/boy” - and giving mostly your shadow-child with all the negative feelings a voice.

By doing that you start realizing in what stressful or emotional moments in your life it’s more the shadow-child reacting on its learned principles.

Through realizing that you can start working on disempowering your personal principles, which have always limited you and have/had a negative impact on your life. 

Thanks to this book and the meditations that come with it I’m starting to realize how often my inner child interferes with my present life and causes me pain. The more I listen to it, the more the grown-up Seval has a chance to distinguish itself from it and tell it that nothing was its fault, that it IS good enough, that it IS being loved, and that it doesn’t have to adjust to others in order to create a sense of harmony.

 

To me this book feels like a relief. What it could be to you is up to you.

P.S. I thought this book is available in English as well but it turns out that it's not at this point. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How The World Sees You

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I posted about Sally Hogshead before, in which I also mentioned her personality test. 

Have you had the time to do it?  :-) 

What makes Sally Hogshead’s personality test and book How The World Sees You different compared to tests like Myers Briggs is that it’s not showing you how you see the world but how others perceive you.

Sally Hogshead has created a matrix of seven archetypes, as she calls them, and every person is a combination of two archetypes - your primary and secondary advantage. These two define how you communicate with people around you and how the world sees you.

In her matrix I’m a combination of Passion and Trust and I’m called The Beloved.

The archetype Passion creates warm, emotional connections. Passion personalities are expressive, intuitive, and engaging, whereas the Trust archetype is known to build loyalty over time and stand for traits like stable, dependable, and familiar.

To a lot of people knowing what you’re good at and what your pitfalls are might be a given thing (although I doubt that everyone is honest to themselves about their pitfalls) but to me finding out all these things about myself was an eye opener.

What I love about this book and concept is that it tells you to be more of who you already are, rather than having to change and bend yourself.

The more efficiently you use your skills, know about your pitfalls and understand how people around you function, the more you’ll enjoy yourself and what you do in life. 

Sally Hogshead

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I find Sally Hogshead, an American author, professional speaker, CEO of Fascinate, Inc and a former advertising executive, pretty … fascinating. She was recommended to me by my business consultant Jacqui not long after we met. 

She told me about this personality test that has a specific advantage: In just three minutes you can discover your own advantage and what makes you stand out. 

I've tried out several personalty tests but I never had one that was so spot on and different in its structure.

It helps you understand what kind of first impression you create, how others see you, how what might come across as a weak point can be turned into a strong point. 

Therefore, unlike other personality assessments, this isn't about how you see the world. This reveals how the world sees you.

Just recently she launched a book titled … Fascinate, in which she explains how to make your brand impossible to resist. Since I'm working on an online business at the moment I was keen on getting my hands on the book. I just finished the book and I dare say that I did learn lots of … fascinating things from her. 

At the beginning she explains the origin of the word "fascinate" and then she introduces the marketing world bewitches us. Just finding out about all the different levels our brains deal with marketing tricks in itself is fascinating. 

Then she talks about seven different primary pillars in combination with a secondary advantage which help you decide what your business' core idea and message is and which general direction to take when you have to make new decisions. 

The second part could have been longer and a bit more detailed, I think. Still, this is a book that every person should read - whether you want to start or already have a business or you just read it for the sake of understanding how our busy world in terms of marketing works.       

For now though, if you want to take the assessment ...

1. Go to: https://portal.howtofascinate.com/members/invite/525273472751418754226

2. Enter your information to set up your account and answer the assessment questions. You'll immediately receive your Fascination Advantage result.                        

I hope you enjoy it and find it useful. I'd love to hear what you come out with

When Everything Changes Change Everything

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It took me four months to read this book.

I'm glad that I took my time with it. It's even what Walsch recommends - to put the book aside at times in order to simmer everything in your mind. 

Neale Donald Walsch is an American modern day spiritual messenger and author of the well-known series Conversations with God, in which he redefines God and shifted spiritual paradigms around the globe. Books like this one, that help understand love and life on a bigger and spiritual scale and assist you in coping with day-to-day struggles, always seem to reach you when your heart is ready for them. 

This book might not be something for you AT ALL. Or it's EXACTLY what you should consider to cope with life BUT your heart might just not be ready for it … yet.

In my case, valuable books like this one have always been recommended to me by dear friends (you know who you are) and acquaintances. Sometimes it was the perfect timing for the certain push I needed. At other times I felt that I wasn't quite there yet and I picked them up again when the time felt right. 

In "When everything changes change everything" Walsch talks about our fear of changes not knowing that changes are ALWAYS good for us even though we often can't see the bigger picture due to desperate times or certain mindsets. At first, I admit that I found his writing style annoying, as he keeps repeating A LOT, which made me feel like I'm a child that needs the simplest explanation in order to follow his thoughts. Eventually, I started to appreciate the simplicity and repetition; as he lays open a world with a different mindset you need time to digest all those new but universally true ideas and messages. 

That's all I want to give away. That and the fact that the book taught me how to be more at peace with things happening in my life that were not according to plan and which therefore stressed me out. I've learned a new way of coping with situations like that: to trust in the universe to lead me on a path that's eventually better for me, in one way or another.

It's not easy to trust. But that's how it is with trust.  

How to Talk To A Widower

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I love my aunt’s taste in books and movies, probably because she has shaped me profoundly in my teenager years with the books she gave me as presents and the movies and TV shows we watched together.

From Arthur Miller, Truman Capote (not necessarily Breakfast at Tiffany’s but more his relationship with murderer Perry Smith in the book In Cold Blood) to Charles Bukowski, and TV series like Al Bundy, and The Golden Girls to Hitchcock movies, Taxi Driver and Angel Heart (when Mickey Rourke was still handsome as hell).

When I was on vacation in Germany, I asked my aunt for some book recommendations for killing time on train rides and she didn’t disappoint me.

She recommended How To Talk To A Widower by Jonathan Tropper.

 

Doug Parker is a widower at the age of twenty-nine trying to deal with his grief. His egocentric funny family, life in a suburb, and sixteen year-old stepson are part of the story.

 

People compare him to Nick Hornby who wrote About A Boy and High Fidelity, for example.

 

What I enjoyed reading this book was little passages of sharp observations of contemporary life situations mixed with a lighthearted wisdom, British humor (in the sense of making you love a loser for not taking himself too serious), well-dosed pinches of sarcasm, and a touch of Hollywood romantic comedy. He is American after all. 

 

Grief is a topic most people don’t know how to deal with. And for the ones grieving it is a lifetime process to live with the loss of a loved one, even if (or especially because) the relationship was difficult.

It’s a sensitive topic but, if I may say, I think that the book does a fine job in describing grief while constantly telling little stories that make you laugh out loud.

 

I won’t be surprised when Hollywood turns up with a movie script for Jonathan Tropper’s book.

I’m looking forward to reading more from him. 

Chick Lit

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In my opinion Lisa Kleypas is the best historical chick lit author I've ever read. I don't get tired of her style.

Did you have a stressful month at work? Do you just want to unwind for a couple of hours by reading a predictable love story packed with humour, vivid character description and lots of jaw-dropping romantic sex scenes? Then she is your woman.  

I also love how she connects her books by sharing characters - in one book the woman is a supporting character and in the next one she is the protagonist.

Warning: It is very difficult to put the book down once you have started.  You may easily find yourself reading until you hear birds singing in the wee hours of the morning. Though you read the book to relax you will need a day off to make up for the lack of sleep. 

If you decide to start reading her books I recommend to start with the Wallflower Series.